A woman said that to me this weekend after a brief conversation where I honestly did not have any concrete answers to her questions.
“What’s your job?”
“Oh…I’m getting a new one.”
“Really? That’s great- doing what?”
“No clue, but it’s gonna be awesome!” To that I saluted myself and took a swig of wine.
She looked perplexed at first and then laughed and raised her glass as well. “Good for you- stay positive!”
“Oh, it’s not just positivity, I know without a doubt that my next job is going to be amazing. I have no more doubts about it- granted I have no clue what it will be or what form it will take but I have faith it’s going to happen.”
I don’t think I truly understood how much I really believed that myself until I said it out loud. I’ve been having many epiphanies of this sort this past year as I’ve worked to change my inner landscape so I can change the outer. Any type of change is daunting, especially when you realize you are meant for something much larger than what you’re comfortable with. But it’s that realization I think and hope, is what pushes you off the ledge of fear.
My therapist reminds me that we will need to baby step our way as to not let fear over take me, because it has before and I really, really can’t let it this time. Why be afraid of being your full self, why keep holding yourself back? The only explanation I’ve reached for why my life has remained at this weird treading water standstill is because I am playing too small. Time to play big.
After many hours as we said our farewells she grasped my hands: “I can’t wait to read your story and I just know one day I will.” With that she went off into the night and while I may not meet her again, the unwavering faith that this stranger had in me and whatever vibe I was radiating tells me that I am on the right path. I may be rather blinded to where it is leading but it is indeed the right one.
too fat to be italian 