If you’re like most millennials you live in an apartment, maybe a townhouse if you’re lucky and if you’re REALLY lucky (and smart with money) a house. A few of my close friends have recently bought homes but they’ve also pushed humans out of their hoo-has soooo we are clearly at different places in our lives.
The next assignment is to “make room” for your future partner- clear a drawer, move furniture around, clean your closet. I understand fengshui and that your bed’s location facing East or whatever is one way to prevent the Grim Reaper or something BUT does anyone else have space constraints and think YEAH RIGHT! Move my bed for an imaginary man? Billy can have the side of the bed not against the wall because the wall takes out two potential places a monster could surprise me from! (I clearly do not understand fengshui…).
ANYWAY- I get all these things are very NOW with Marie Kondo having her own show when she barely speaks, but when one has everything they own in a confined space, what’s a girl to do? Can’t I just make room in other parts of my life rather than my apartment? Do I really need to make it more “masculine”- aren’t the two Kama Sutra books and those army fatigue shorts I own enough masculinity for one girl? Honestly, I’m pretty good about donating closet items on a seasonal basis and my mom did call me a Nazi when we moved out our family home so it clearly isn’t about getting rid of things, but perhaps its about allowing things in. (WOAH, shit just got real- I’m only 8 days in to this thing and already I’m the next Alan Watts).
This past year I dated a guy who barely had time in his schedule to take a piss, much less have a girlfriend and even less for the family I want to build. That isn’t why it ended, but it had been something that gave me noticeable anxiety and filled up a journal with entries that were reminiscent of Sylvia Plath.
I know that my actual life has space for a partner, maybe too much during dark times. This isn’t a question of love because I have loved every man I’ve dated, however brief. Was it the right kind of love? No. Have I been in love? I don’t think so. I have never been great about being loved or loving myself for that matter and so often you hear the line that you can’t find love until you love yourself. Why is it so hard to love yourself, it seems as though it should be the most natural thing in the world, so why do we spend so many years re-learning it? Perhaps it really isn’t about this feng shit or making room for this mysterious “ONE” by cutting down on throw pillows, but about finding room within yourself to be the person you need to be in order to make it a bit easier to love the most important person in your life: you.
too fat to be italian 