To eHarmony or Not to eHarmony

I am about to re-enter the dating ring. Putting on my boxing gloves and preparing myself for knockouts but perhaps a potential victory. Is this my championship fight? Will I go into the ring and come out with the belt hoisted high above my head?

As I try to find honest photos that reflect my recent weight gain I wonder what would be the best site for me: Cringe, OkStupid, Mumble Stumble Fumble…whatever you want to call them, they all suck. I’ve had at least one friend meet their current spouse from almost every site around, excepting ‘Our Time’ simply because I don’t know anyone in the geriatric dating pool (is that PC, to say it’s geriatric?)

I have been a member of the online dating community for well over a decade and I’ve had few successes, the ones I have had surprisingly came out of Tinder and none of the other sites. I decided to sign up for eHarmony as it has always seemed made for the “older” crowd and since I moved into the 35-44 age bracket for surveys this year, I realize that must include me. Besides, I’ve been dying my grays almost longer than I haven’t so it’s probably time to suck it up and pull on my big girl chonies…

The other day a co-worker asked how I planned to meet men besides in the preferable way: organically. Not understanding her, as most people meet their partners online and not wanting to be patronizing saying a specific site I tried to think outside the box about a dream scenario in which I would like to meet my future mate. Granted my dream scenario was pretty out there, including me becoming a best selling author and my suitor essentially “meeting me” at one of my book signings but this scenario could go the rom-com route or stalker thriller route pretty easily so it’s almost safer to meet someone online.

I asked my younger brother and co-workers if there was a newer site or a most used one and they all said Hinge, which I refer to as Cringe (with good reason). While a close friend met the love of her life on there, I’ve met the worst dates of my decade long online dating history through that site. Others mention Bumble, it’s for women who like to take control, grab the bull by the balls and message first, but I’ve never gotten so much as a buzz from all of the messages I’ve sent (and I’m not ugly and can be somewhat charming in a textual format so I’m somewhat confused). While I ready myself to try eHarmony my memory harkens back to my tall, gorgeous, ridiculously smart and funny blonde friend with a body akin to that of a Supermodel in her statue and generous chest, who had used eHarmony in the early 00s. She was matched with a man who looked like he came out of Duck Dynasty and this was back before that was even a show! He sat astride his hog with a gut to vie Buddha, and a long salt and pepper beard you could likely find a piece of blue cheese in. Her matches alone make me worry it is a waste of money, but then I think: could it really be that much worse than what I’ve already encountered?

When it comes to online dating I’ve been insulted, assaulted, rejected and neglected. The only way to have a worse experience at this point is if I were to get raped or murdered, because everything else has already happened. This is terrible but true and I worry I am playing with fire, tempting fate to either have me meet the one or meet my maker. How long can I  be safe when putting myself out there? Clearly there is a part of my psyche more scared of physical harm than emotional harm at this point, because I’ve avoided dating like the plague since my series of mishaps last Fall. But then again, the only other thing that hasn’t happened is the complete opposite of the worst that could befall a person and be the best that could.

So I bit the bullet and joined eHarmony this morning and will be working on my profile during lunch with my younger co-workers who are still light hearted when it comes to dating and see it as an adventure and who doesn’t love a good adventure?